|Ben and I an New Years Eve 2010|
"The inherent complex of attributes that determines a persons moral and ethical actions and reactions." Character is one of the most important things that defines us. It shows God, others, and even ourselves the kind of person we really are, what we value, who we value, and how we nurture those values.
I try, daily, to apply this to my life, how I make decisions, and how I treat those around me. Will I go the extra mile for a friend in need? Will I take time that I generally define as "mine" to serve someone else, to consciously spend time with God, to cheer up a friend, to pass on a work of kindness, listen when someone needs it most, or do something just because it is "the right thing to do"?
I think that I am often shocked by others who don't inherently think this way or consider these things. I know I shouldn't be, selfishness and self-centeredness runs rampant in our society, but I honestly just don't know how these people live with themselves. Perhaps I care too much about others feelings but, believe me, I wouldn't choose to have it the other way around. I adore caring for others. Nurturing my friendships, family, and other relationships drives me in this life. If I have to fight my co-dependent nature so be it, but rather that than be an insensitive person. I have been told (honestly by many people over the years) that my efforts to show my love can be "overwhelming" and "too intense". I can see that as being true but I refuse to apologize for loving too hard. I crave deep relationships and that is just a part of who I am.
When I think I have hurt someone I lose sleep at night until I at least try to make it right. I wonder why others are not this way. I am confused by how others are able to deeply hurt the ones they love and completely detach. Perhaps this is harder for them than they show, but all I can see if what they do outwardly. The detachment ability, I must admit, I am jealous of. I think I would be less hurt by some of the rejection in my past had I been able to harness this trait.
|Annah Joseph and Little Niece Claire|