This gets me every time.

Laura Story - Mighty to Save

Family Home Life

Me and My Mama

As I grow older there are certain things that I am very aware of that I never noticed, or I just took for granted, while I was growing up.  One of those things is living with family.  Growing up our home was usually full.  My parents were home bodies when they weren't working and I remember being most comfortable in the privacy of my bedroom when I could still hear the sounds of their presence drifting up through the vents.  TV, cooking sounds, muffled conversation, etc. consistently reminded me that although I was spending quality time with myself, I was never actually alone, company and good conversation was just down the stairs should I choose to take advantage of it.  That made me feel very secure.

My sister and my beautiful Niece

This feeling, a house humming with life, everyone doing their own thing but somehow still tied together, is I think, unique to living with family.  The closest I ever got to it was living in a single in the dorms in college and even then it felt a little awkward to leave my door open, inviting people in.

True loneliness wasn't an something I experienced until later in life.  I think a lot of this just comes with being incredibly comfortable with your family.  You don't have to put in the time to get to know each other, figure each other out and all that, you have always known these people.  I think it's another reason I love going to visit my sister at her home so often.  It is so nice to just sit back and be me without a thought as to how anyone else in the house might interpret me, my reactions, my preferences.  They just, almost intuitively, get me and know that I have the best of intentions.  I don't have anything to prove to them.  I think I am and have always been concerned about offending my roommates by asking them things that they may feel isn't their responsibility, by getting in their way, by sometimes just wishing I were invisible so that I didn't bother them.  I guess we would commonly refer to this as walking on eggshells.  This isn't necessarily or in all cases their fault, but my own insecurity creeping in.

2 of my favorite Roomies and our Janie

I have had, lets see...12 roommates in the 10 years I have been out of high school.  (Sometimes living in groups of 2 sometimes in groups of 3).  I quickly learned in these situations that although most of my roommates have been wonderful, some are still my best friends to this day, it is rare to find someone to live with that you feel totally comfortable with.  It's difficult to find friends that love you as your family does, with all your faults in place, unconditionally.  I have been blessed to find those conditions a few times, but more often roommates never quite get there.  Also, it's always a temporary living situation, in my case, as I don't plan on being unmarried without children forever, and no matter how much I love my roommate, I doubt she wants to move in with me and my new husband when we get our first place ;-)  That is what I have found myself craving these past 4 years or so.  A home created organically and buzzing with life and love.

I lived with both these beauties!

Maybe that's why I sometimes feel "homeless."  My parents live over 6 hours away, my sister 3.  I often wish I could just have my mom over to watch a movie and eat popcorn randomly on a Saturday night.  I envy those that have this option.

Me and my current roomie Katie G!

Luckily, right now I have a very sweet and wonderful roommie.  She is considerate and kind and, thank GOD, very communicative.  We are still getting to know each other, getting comfortable with one another, but I respect her very much and I think that can often be the root of it, the root of most things good in this world.  God, Love, and mutual Respect.  Get those in line and it's much harder to go wrong.

My book list

I have recently rekindled by love of reading.  For some reason over the last few years I had started getting off the reading train, at least reading for pleasure.  Now it is back in full swing.  My boyfriend likes it cause he says he's happier with the drama in my life being between the pages of the books instead of in reality.  I whole heartedly agree.  It's the same reason I watch trashy TV too ;-)  Oh Gossip Girl...you kill me.

So I wanted to start keeping a list of all the books I have read throughout the calendar year, and will continue next year.  These include good old fashioned reading and audio books.  I like to listen while I take trips alone or with Ben and when I run errands for work.  You may see a lot of Jodi Picoult on here as I am currently trying to work my way through everything she has published.  I DEVOUR her books.  Love her.

1)  Searching For God Knows What - Donald Miller
2)  Twilight - The Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer3)  New Moon - The Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
4)  Eclipse - The Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
5)  Breaking Dawn - The Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
6)  Prince Caspian - C.S. Lewis
7)  The Magician's Nephew - C.S. Lewis in progress
8)  Nineteen Minutes - Jodi Picoult (FASCINATING...could NOT put this one down.)
9)  Change of Heart - Jodi Picoult
10)  Vanishing Act - Jodi Picoult - in progress

Auditioning TONIGHT for the Nashville Symphony Choir!!

Haven't sung this in 5 years but I am auditioning with this:

	Messiah - Soprano - 04 For Unto Us A Child Is Born .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

5 Things I am proud of myself for doing today.

1)  I told my Daddy I loved him.

2)  I made plans to visit with my sister.

3)  I got to bond more with my roommie...love you Katie!

4)  I worked out!

5)  I took the time to take a hot bubble bath and read my book.

How is love defined in us? Relationship Studies....

I found this on my friend Chip Green's FB profile page and I couldn't agree more:

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person who you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."

-Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story

It's Hard to Re-learn Old Lessons...

Church was hard this morning.  Two things happened in the last week that I really let get to me and that I reacted to in a way that I am not proud of.  I always try to be as Christ like as I possibly can be every day and especially in the way that I react to things that impact me emotionally and situationally in my life.  No small feat let me tell you.  This week I failed big time.  I failed twice.


This morning our preacher, Randy, was talking about a passage in 1 Peter.  I turned to follow the passage he was referring to, 1 Peter 2:4-11, but God had other plans for me this morning.  He, instead, diverted my attention to 1 Peter 2:13-25:


"But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. ²¹To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. 
 ²²"He committed no sin,
      and no deceit was found in his mouth."^[a] 
23When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. ²⁴He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. ²⁵For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.


This is how I failed.  I retaliated.  I felt hurt, angry, insulted, and offended.  I felt an injustice had happened to me (in two separate instances in one week), that crimes had been committed against me, and I needed to defend myself, to protect myself, and the offenders needed to pay and learn from their mistakes.  God showed me this morning, although He has revealed this to me previously in my past, that this behavior is not what He wants from me.  He wants me to turn my cheek, to bear the burden of the offense, and to entrust myself to Him who judges justly.  It is not for me to measure what is right and what is wrong, it is Him, He has not called me to do that.  It is not for me to defend myself when a crime is done against me, as it is done to me it is done unto Him, and He is the one that will choose what action if any needs to be taken.  It is my job to forgive and to consistently and continually live in that forgiveness every moment, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.